End of my first cycle

Well, I'm nearing the end of my first chemo cycle and starting a new one Monday. It was big news to me that I will be starting so soon. When I first met with my Dr. she informed me each cycle would consist of one week on and three week off, well turns out it's one week on and two weeks rest. I didn't really argue with her. This just means I will be done sooner, a month sooner. So, I'm okay with the change. Everything else is good. My blood count is still up, which is really good. Side effect wise, okay. My taste buds are shot. Tea tastes like metal and they are super sensitive. If food has any little bit of chili in it, my mouth is on fire. And it kills me. No more chicken bowls with hot salsa from Chipolte.

The big side effect my hair. Right on schedule the 11 day post chemo, my first clump of hair came out. Since then, it's been falling out like crazy. Especially in the shower. I can't even run my fingers through my hair. Luckily I inherited my dad's hair, so I have a ton to spare. I don't have any bald spots and it isn't looking thin. It is getting very annoying though. I wore it back today and was scared to touch it. My solution, I'm going to shave it off, this Saturday. Quite a bit of people are trying to talk me out of it but I am set. The hair is coming off in bunches and seems never ending. I want to get it over with. So there!

Overall, I'm doing very good (mentally and physically). I finally feel like I am coming up for air. It's been a whirl wind of events and procedures. Friday was the real day I woke up and felt like I was me again. I haven't felt that way since before the surgery. I am doing everything on my own now. Opening doors, seat belts, cleaning, cooking and I am going back to work. I think getting back to work had a lot to do with me feeling like me again. I actually had something to look forward too.

The whole 7 weeks I have been off, I really had no sense of days or time, there was no reason for me to. I think I was further in a slum than I realized. I have always been at peace with my diagnose and everything that came with it (mastectomy, losing my hair, etc). I can't change anything, I just have to accept it. What I didn't notice was that I also gave up. I saw no sense in anything. What's the point of doing my hair, it's going to fall out. What's the point of getting out of my p.j.'s I'm not doing anything. I really did need something to look forward to again. Something that I liked to do and that was work. My identity is really tied to what I do, helping people. I do get a joy out of my job, and not doing it for 7 weeks, in a way, made me lose myself for a bit.

So, needless to say, work was great. I walked in to a frantically waving and smiling Noelle. They decorated my office with red streamers, balloons and a "welcome back" sign. It was very cute. Everyone even came upstairs to share some cookies with me. I can't believe what a great set of people I work with. They give so much to the families that call in and have so much more to give to co-workers. I honestly don't think I am ever going to leave NCMEC.

So, that is that. Enjoy.

P.S. I started to get an itching in my inner ear, just like I normally do before a sinus infection, so I told my Dr. She first flipped because I can't get sick and then put me on antibiotics. Well, when she was examining my ears she informed me my ear drums were ruptured. I just had to share this because I am notorious for having bad hearing. We first attributed it to having so much hair over my ears but now we know the real reason.